Once again, very very stoned. This fucking movie is so messed up, it makes no sense at all. Everything bad happens to these guys and nothing goes right, Jefferson Airplane and White Rabbit peaking and killing the other guy and shit. Singing to Jeffersons Airplane Dont you want somebody to love now, its funny.

Fucking this movie makes no sense, its fucking so confusing. I dont get any of it.

I was wondering lots of things today, I mean, I finally moved out of my house today and shit did hit the fan and all, but we are alive and well. Hoping that I will be able to change. Maybe, I shoulda asked her something, but I am a dumb fuck and choose to do nothing. Because I do want that good influence in my life, I want to stop smoking and chewing and get out of the business. But I cant do it for myself cause I dont even know who I am first. So if I dont know who I am, I am quitting things that make me feel good for no one. But then, if you were there, and I was qutiting for you, that would make me better cause like I would be quitting to keep you and to make myself feel better and then in the end I would be feeling better. But that is too much to ask from someone like y ou, I just cant do it, not yet. I want to embrace something useful with my life and feel a sense of comfort.

I dont know, my thoughts are clouded, we dreamed up a lot of strange scenarios last night before finally falling asleep. It was my first night sleeping without chewing and it was very stressful.

This movie is starting to scare me, everything bad is going down in the movie and I really feel for the guys.

I would like to do things like telling you I could be a better person because I wanted to be. But no, its all a lie, everything about me is in the end just a lie. Unless it happens at the spur of the moment, and even then, I still unconsciouslly still do thigns for my best interest. I cant even trust myself. Its not good.

Really fucked up, basking in my freedom. I love it, I cana be out tonight and not worry about having to be home at a certain time. I know when I decide to go home will be good and I wont have to answer to anyone but me. Fuck everyone else.

I feel proud of how I handled my mother today. No, I was not going to cry, there was no way I should have felt sorry. And so I didnt, nothing I did was for her and if anything I just wanted to watch my father cry cause he is such a fucking bastard.

But yeah, I would like to tell myself I gave up a lot of bad things to make an effort for you. I dont think it'll happen though, I give the odds 1 in 12 chance of something, but even less after this entry is done, cause I truly am one sick puppy. Man this car chase in the movie is fucked up.

And so, the end continues forward. I am enjoying it very much and things can only get better for me now.