Still really drained lately, even as I did get a full nights rest yesterday, I managed to pass out in once again more interesting spots at work. They have trapped me on the crappy side of the casino for five straight days now and it is slowly getting to me. However I am almost grateful for it because it does allow me to catch up on my sleep instead of actually working.

One coworker is really getting to me, that cynical waste of human flesh. And while I am supposed to behave and just try to ignore it, its hard sometimes, because of how fucking stupid she is. There is a difference between being an asshole, and just being rude. Grumble, it irritates me how just fucking oblivious this person is to their environment.

But I guess, they have to survive somehow, and if they choose to live in their little world. I am going to walk in one day and burn it down.

Had to take a little break just now to write out an email to guild members online. My weekend is quickly approaching and I do plan on doing everything in my power to have a good time. That involves playing games when I am at home, and going out when I am done. Or vice versa, not really sure, we'll have to consider a few options as the day gets closer.

I really do look forward to it, there were many moments today where I was considering doing things, or bringing up old things with certain people that are still pissing me off to this day. But I chose to let it slide off my back and not really rattle myself up over some trivial matter with the weekend just around the corner.

While I was having a good conversation the other night, about relationships. We went upon how people just feel that in whatever case, they havent done anything wrong. I know it, cause I do the same thing, I do the more idiotic things to irritate someone, or just ruffle their feathers and realyl dont think twice about it. Then we bad things happen, all we can do is criticize the other person without even taking a moment to contemplate other things.

I mean, surely when stupid things happen, we notice them just as much as the other person does. And it only shows how bad communication is when these things are not openly discussed. its totally disgusting if anything and hard at the same time. How can you tell someone you like so much that this or that really pissed you off one day? It hurts them I bet to hear it, and if they are to speak freely also, certainly the words out of their mouth wont be so gracious either.

And what to do with the situation. Ponder, I really dont know, but I do evaluate things a bit differently. Sure, people hurt, sure individuals hurt and wonder if the other person knows anything about it. But at the same time, maybe the other person in this hurts just as much, if not more, and doesnt have the heart or confidence to bring certain things up.

We are not all perfect.

We most likely take a lot of things for granted. The smallest things seem to be so important once taken away. Its not until then you realize a lot of things.

Hence, when people are out moaning and bitching about what someone close did to them. Unless it was one of those pointless arguments about points such as 'cheating' or 'lying' or 'abusive' things, shut the fuck up and look at yourself and start to question, have you been as perfect and innocent as you say you have been?

I refuse to believe anyone can say yes to that question. Cause if that was the case, the whole thing should be perfect, and there is no such thing.

The more I think about it, and take time to watch how people discuss things. The more evident it becomes, we only see what we want to see. Nothing else matters. And while we are seeing these things that piss us off, there is a tendency to lose track of the things that actually mean something.

And so, in closing of my rant of the day. I would say, when things do get rough, when everything does look down. Try to remember the reasons you kissed the person back that first time. if that reason ever changes, maybe its time for you to change also.

Sit down, talk about things. Work on that. I really hate talking for a few hours and then ending the conversation and not remembering anything I said because it was just gibberish talk.

After writing that, and thinking about that in much detail lately (with my super active brain that I absolutely hate with a passion at times) I conclude that myself as a person am just a hypocritical as anyone else in there.

It takes a lot to admit it, and it'll take even more to adjust and become a better person after realizing it.

Lets see what happens maybe.