These days at home are long, there is just nothing to do really, I dont feel the need to be productive, I just want to hide in my room and play comptuer games. However while I lack internet access at the moment, it gives me next to nothing to do. Another week without internet, my lifeline away from the reality I face every day.

No idea how I am still awake, it has been a tiresome day, I just finished some 8 hour stretch on my bed playing final fantasy 2. It brought back some nice childhood memories. From what I recall the game was much longer when I played it as a kid, Though, I guess thats because I never had 8 hours to sit down and actually play before. It is nice, to just escape like that.

As for thoughts, my worries are just to settling down in the new place, so far it has been comfortable, I had a home cooked meal today made for me by my roommate when I got home from work today. Such a luxury.

Drifting away, as the monitor just begins to melt as I've been infront of it for so long.

I found a box of tampons in my car, in a plastic bag from a local gas station. I can only describe the thoughts as simply confusing. Who the hell left tampons in my car? What scares me even more, is the remote possibiluty that I accidentally bought tampons while I was stoned. Still, I dismiss that, as there would have been no way I would have left bags of stuff in my car. Generally I buy a lot of food and carry it all into the house to munch on.

Hence I can only conclude that this is some sick prank by someone. Which has me a bit disturbed to say the least. Humourous and confusing.

WHile I have not been writing for a while now. I dotn even know when I wrote my last entry. Things are hard to keep track off after my drug binge ended, everything seems that much more jaded.

I went and bought a present for my friend the other day, to cheer her up and apologize for the night before that. Feeling like the asshole that I am, sort of hard to make amends to such things, but she always welcomes whatever gesture I have for her with open arms. What more is there to ask for in a friend than that. TO be with you during your grumpy days and still there the next day.

The embarassment of purchasing the present was unspeakable. Awkward if anything. Just really really awkward. I have no diea how other people can do things like that ever so casually. For me, I probably would have exploded or just went to look elsewhere for a gift, no matter how decent of a suggestion it was.

I hate it when I blush.

Coworkers made me blush today, as they made me page for the manager while cashing out. This is why I am not going to the casino for the rest of the month, I cant even win at rock paper scissors. Good old rock, nothing beats rock, except paper. How boring.

Pondering how I'll spend the rest of the week, without television (something I dont really enjoy anyways) and internet. Working most of the days and cant really wander out for a night of fun either. Sigh.

Such is life, one of these days, I'll get around to finding an escape that doesnt have to do with drugs, gambling or computer games. Maybe, I'll find a productive hobby, or worse yet, a girlfriend.

....

Better not hold my breath, I dont believe in miracles.

Currently Listening to [Ian Van Dahl] - I Can See It In Your Eyes