Some pretty funky beats on my sisters computer as I am home for a day with some internet access. Not going to be a good day tomorrow though, I already sense it. Speeding tickets, such a pain in the ass. Gonna run me a lot of money and that is extremely depressing considering how I have been living life lately without internet access.

Been going out, sure, I've been smoking a obscure amount of drugs, but I have been enjoying myself so much, its been a great ride. I wonder if it will end and if I'd fall back into my old habits the moment internet is back. Back at home hiding away in my room ignorant of the outside world and lost on my addictions.

Was out shopping all day today, a long six hour stretch with just a short break inbetween. It was great fun really, I adore spending time with this girl, shes just cool to hang with cause she has fire in her personality. Spent the other day with her also, both were very good nights out and I enjoyed it. Things like this make me want to keep a hold on life and go out with friends and such.

Watching my growth lately, listening to how I think again. Sure, there is a little less confidence, the god appeal has faded a bit because of the last few months and the constant criticism I have taken. Just that I was right on what I am doing right now, I just went and did my thing. Whatever the consequence, whoever gets hurt, at the end of the day I am still going strong.

I dont need some certainty, I am just out and free. My spending when I go out these days is high, I seem to enjoy the expensive luxuries that are around me. The things to get a thrill are delicate. I enjoy so many other things a little more these days. Maybe it is just because I have been stoned for so long and my mind is finally getting rest. Finally able to stop thinking about so many things.

Lost in a haze. I could go outside right now and blaze up another fattie, but maybe I've had too much today.

Been wasting a lot of time lately, and its great, to know that I simply dont feel the need to do anything productive right now, and just gonna sit back and enjoy. Maybe do this, maybe do that, but really have nothing but impulse.

Its hard to explain, what is going through my head, what I almost feel.

A bit of freedom, a bit of maturity, a sense of irresponsibility, a lack of caring.

Simply, hating, myself, not so much, but absorbed by what I have supposedly found.

Not enlightenment, but bliss.