And the sun is starting to come up yet again.

Been a few days since the last trip, the last one was rather numbing to all my senses and thought processes that it actually scared me.

Maybe it is time for some change.

A lot of household stress still, the events of the next few days should determine what happens in this house. Sigh, guess I'll be taking matters into my own hands and dealing with many of the problems myself.

Went out today, as it was my only day off this week as I do suspect I am being called into work tomorrow. Watched Underworld, the new flick with vampries and werewolves, extremely entertaining.

Other than that, for the most part I am settling back into the groove, wake up, play computer games, goto sleep. Simple and easy to grasp, no real worries. I guess there could be worries, but I am just being a little evasive with the whole things right now.

The hardest thing for me to do is care. I struggle with it, my roommate is having a few rough days and people at work are telling me to comfort her and really, I struggle to bring myself to do anything, even acknowledge her pain.

It is just hard, I dont know why, maybe because I just never really take the time to care about anything or anyone, and sometimes even forget about my own needs.

Been spending time just out and about though, going out once a week to see a movie or hang out. Its not so bad, really a luxury to have someone to hang out with.

I am starting to think, that most people in the world are rather lonely, we have to put on a mask everyday, from the moment we wake up till we find peace and quiet alone. And I wonder, what thoughts go through other peoples minds when we do find someone to talk to and such.

It is nice to have someone to talk to, I know that very well.

The mask I wear, tainted with so much, emotionless and heartless. And truly, most of the time, its easier to embrace that personality than anything else, whether being convience, desire, or fear.

Who knows.

I thought I found the meaning of life the other night while tripping out. It turns out, that I was just so scared, because of the reality that I am so very alone at times, it tears away at me at a subconscious level.

The drugs always bring out my true colours I think, there is no hiding when you are operating under influences. Sort of like operating under the influence of feelings for someone, you dont know why you do it, why you put up with things, you jsut do, and it almsot seems natural. No matter how much you doubt reality, common sense and all other judgement aspects are thrown out the window as you become fluid.