Pretty high, enjoying it lots, feeling pretty good. Just sitting on the computer, chewing on some gum, admiring the flow of thoughts.

From thought, voices in my head into words written down on paper. I speak and think and hate all these things around me. Well not in all aspects, but for now just a little depressed in a rut. I will say when I am done smoking the rest of this stuff, I wont buy anymore. I have had two cigarettes in the last two days also and intend on quitting those also.

It is nice though, to so easily, to the point of feeling cheap, get into a state of mind where nothing really matters. I mean sure its not as easy as before where a joint would do it and instead I am smoking two or three joints a night to maintain a extended mind freeze.

We will have to stop this soon it is taking its toll again on my thoughts or lack of.

So I sit, and chew my gum, blowing bubbles once a while, bubbles like my thoughts, taking so much time to take shape, growing, expanding, then exploding. Just another thought, not real action or purpose or meaning. Another useless impulse with the rest of them because it is true I get all these notions, all these thoughts that should be in turn acted upon are ignored.

I am hopeless in that way, always thinking, but never taking any course of action. Fear of whatever happens, fear and concern because it is unknown and unexpected. I hate surprises or being in that position where you dont know exactly what can happen.

It is hard to explain this thought, I dont know. Its been a long day maybe I'll get some sleep. I never seem to get enough sleep, eat enough food, or pay enough attention these days.

Things will get better, or if they dont, will get increasingly depressed as time passes. Lacking, because there is no action for reaction.

No cause for any effect.

I watch Matrix Reloaded too much, that movie is so fucking deep and spiritual its crazy.