Resting, in what feels like silence to me. My idea of silence is different, it is where the music is loud enough that you cant hear your own thoughts.

It is rather silent in my room, early in the morning of another day.

I have had a few good days in a row now, I mean with my revelations the other night followed by what was probably an amazing day yesterday then capped with another day today. I just dont know what to do with myself.

I found some meaning in my life, I have new goals and new plans. I just have possibilities now. Then, things would only find a way to get better. While I had been planning out several thoughts in my mind, things are easier when the action is made by someone else of course.

I totally agree, that it is easy to make a guy happy. Cook for us, fuck us and bring us beer. And as the thought still floats in my mind about how fucking pathetic girls can be with all of their needs and subtle mind games, each of which is a test upon a test. The way to please them is just to stay several paces ahead of them. That way you have them guessing a little bit and well, they are suckers for ncie surprises.

Like poetry in motion, I had already formulated several plans for many scenarios.

I actually got to pick one of them, and play it out today. It was most enjoyable.

Envy the little things. Such as waking someone up, by tapping their window with a stick. The kind of things you see on television. Just a little taste of being human I guess for me.

So anyways, I'll reveal the details of one of my plans. Another lunge I make at the smooth operator I once was. The idea was to go watch the hockey game at some pub or sports bar, something which was intended a previous week before anyways but due to mishaps was passed over. As I feel the need for a little desire for attention, I felt it would be a good thought (god forbid, more of these good thoughts) to show up and go along the lines of, we arent going to a sports bar, I highly recommend you get ready faster, here are tickets to the hockey game tonight.

It was something nice, girls are kind of easy to please, all the same in many ways, with their little perks that need to be indugled on a daily basis. Tell them they are pretty, make them feel a little secure, show you almost give two shtis about what they have to say and smile lots.

Hence being the 'nice' guy again. For not much reason really, I dont think this is anything ideal except for friendship so really I have been passive. Just nice to have someone to hang out with I guess.

Uncertain, but not really wanting to prod over it. It is irrelavent to my newfound goals. However it was still an enjoyable night out.

Girls take a long time to get ready.

Even for a hockey game.

But then again, I dont think I'd wander out to some public place without having my hair all done nicely. I guess, we are all insecure in many ways, I know my flaws. And I enjoy picking at other peoples.

Everything, under control again, thoughts secured and just feeling content. Sure I am a little hungry, havent eaten all that much today, but feeling the need to just be lazy, write my thoughts and then melt away underneath the covers. resting soundly, knowing that tomorrow is another day off, and I can go and do whatever the fuck I please.

Why?

Because it is time to be a little selfish.

Me, Me, Me and Me.

While I think I was never truly the generous type, refer to the single word description I use to describe myself (Mercenary) I do feel the need to push everything aside and just concentrate on me.

The drugs help, oh how they do help. I lose myself every night and now wake up with more insight and thought. I feel numb, but relaxed and ready to explore the new surroundings, guessing at the possible sensations that might trickle into my fingers.

I dont know about a few things, but I dont really worry either. I wonder if I am frustrating a lot of people with some of my actions. I could be a little more selfish, take a little more time to milk even more.

And enjoy this sweet nectar that I drain slowly for my own pleasures.

Life is a little better, when you know a little more. I wonder what else there is to know about myself. What else is in store for me.

A good night of rest is ahead.