Melting of the mind, from solid to a pure liquid.

I think I have done some damage to my brain, it doesnt seem to function properly anymore. Everything appears more difficult than before, I see it in my actions. My awareness is dropping and everything with it.

Maybe this is what I wanted, to slow everything down.

When things pick up, and my mind races, it scares me sometimes. Just the general direction that my mind recoils in terror as it contemplates too many things at once.

I think, about things that have no meaning. I shouldnt really let any of these things get to me.

But they do, they claw away slowly.

I am letting it consume me all over again.

I was thinking, just before writing this. About dates, and how things are funny in that way. I can remember a few important dates of last year and how things were different this year.

I remember last year at a friends birthday, finding some courage. That same day, a year alter, I was out at a movie, because I used some courage to get a little date situation started.

It is strange in that way, almost coincidence.

Everything happens in cycles for me. This should not be anything different, just another cycle.

I found some meaning during this cycle, and a sense of openness. A little more mellow and less uptight. Still I am without true feelings, but I have become a lot mroe relaxed. More easy going.

I hope thats a good thing.

I am not sure, I can never be too sure of anything. There are just so many politics around me, everything is politics, not just work. Life itself is a political battle, within one's own mind and the surroundings.

When I wake up later today, I have things to think about again. I have actions to take, reactions to see and loyalties to test.

Always out testing loyalties, am I that paranoid?

Sometimes, I question the boundaries and the restraints.

Who would you die for?