Where do I begin.

My thoughts, went out of control today, while I was sedated. I dont even know where to start with my entry.

I am going to finish smoking, the last of my drugs right now. One last grab at purity of mind.

I smoke so much these days, and no longer do I feel bliss. I have become too adjusted to it.

After work, I was talked into escorting a girl to the bar, along with a few friends. Now I dont know why I did that, cause I had plans already to goto the gym, get a good owrkout in, go home and eat a full meal and relax for the remainder of the day.

Its a strange mindset. You know, trying to figure out how people find this so appealing. Getting dressed up, going to a bar when it closes in a short two hours. Being stoned and a little drunk, riding in the car, just having a good old time.

Wow, in order for me to have fun with people my age doing the stupid shit they do. All I have to do is be so fucking stupid that all I can really do is sit there and giggle.

Done smoking the last of the maurijuana, not even feeling high at all. How depressing.

So many things I look at these days. I truly desire perfection. And the more I look at it, the discovery is the same, its a dream. a figment of my imagination. Something that isnt really there, and never will be. We are all flawed, essentially as humans. By living and breathing, we are just in the moment.

Everything is perspective. Every decision we make, we deny opportunity. In order to make a choice, we have to have more than one thing to consider. And thereforce with every choice we make, given the situation and circumstances, everything can be right, or wrong, or both.

For every situation, there are two sides. Which side can you believe to be true? You could watch the events unfold before your eyes and still be awestruck as to the correct situation.

Life isnt like chess, where there is a definite move. But even that definite move, is only good if the other person reacts in the predicted way. If they dont, then what appeared to be optimal becomes suboptimal.

Sigh, really, it seems that everyone has the same problems. I find it truly amazing for the people who figure things out, maybe they jsut realize nothing is perfect, and that everything takes work. While I am talking mostly about relationships. I wonder how people actually get together, and both have the same goal.

However, given the percentage of divorces in this modern day, its probably a safe conclusion to say that the majority of people dont know what the fuck they are doing to start with.

Will I be the asshole who treats his girlfriend like shit because he can? I could see it. I'd be that person you hate, the person you hear about. The person you look at and say, I wish that fucker wasnt so stupid, he has something so great infront of him.

There is the other end of the spectrum also. Could I perhaps be that? Maybe.

More importantly though, why should any of this matter to me? I will do what I do. Should I choose to be good or bad, I will do it and I should not regret it.

Whatever happens, I will have made a decision because I felt it was right at the time, so why should there be any remorse or regret. The decision was made for a reason.

Cutting the entry short, as I have something to deal with right now.

Currently Listening to [Nothing]