Been a long week. Not writing again, for whatever reason, lack of interest, lack of desire, loss of interest, discovery of self disgust. Who knows which is the correct thing to blame, lets just conclude that all of these factors have lead to a pretty miserable week.

Sigh. I am so skeptical of things these days, almost paranoid. Work sucks, life sucks, I am bored, and not with the same hunger for excitement as before. Limping on by day to day.

Thats something that I hold my head down for, I shouldnt be the type of person to ever limp. My arrogance seems a little out of control these days also. Minor issue though. Got myself into trouble today at work over it, going to have to reconsider certain actions at work for the next weeks to come.

I cant really explain the nature of it, but now when I look around, I just see empty space around me. A feeling of isolation just consumes me. Online, my escapes havent been any better, if not more frustratiing.

Tension as I recoil with distaste at just how things are. While I went several days away from drugs, I wandered back after a string of bad days. I havent even had energy to goto the gym today and I have been keeping good to my goal. Seeing actual progress as my weight has increased a bit since I started this new routine. Now I am going to be hard pressed to find time to goto the gym this weekend. A lot harder than most people with think, given my stupid work schedule.

Shopping plans tomorrow, I already have no thoughts for tomorrow. A few errands to be done, and probably another one of those days to have someone to bitch and moan about how your life is pathetic to. Shameless if you think about it.

Lost, pondering why I have to have all this confusion. Wondering how it all came to be and what meaning or purpose it has for me in the future. It serves some role other than jsut wasting time, doesnt it?

I surely would hope so.

As I exhale, the room fills with hash smoke. A beautiful sight.

Sigh, I should shower and just goto bed, atleast I can be well rested for one day this week. Sleeping schedule all fucked up due to this stress.

Fear, a tiny fear of a pill which could bring me such a feeling of bliss that I would be instantly in love with the state of mind.

Tempted to take the pill, and see if it meets my expectations.

Just a little pill.