The very gloomy theme song to Kill Bill. I watched that again yesterday while at my sisters place. Very enjoyable movie.

Christmas is over, thank goodness. It was just a reason to worry about all sorts of things. Luckily I survived.

And now, what is next. Just thoughts. The new year. I guess it would be time to look back upon the year and wonder.

Really, with a few days left in this year, if we had to rate the year we would rate it hmm....

Everything seems so clear till the end of the summer when the drug binge began. I think it rated about a 3 out of 10, where 5 would have been average.

Well now that we give it another thought, 3 is kind of high, it was more like a 2. A step above a really fucking sucking year.

But its over and done with now. From this year, is nothing but lessons. Hopefully things learned that will make the years to come easier. Oh, the disappointments of this year. Not only in myself, of people I thought were close, of people that could have been close and well basically of every single aspect of being human.

It could have been worse.

Well maybe this year actually really fucking sucked. It still isnt over yet.

And isnt that just a dreadful thought, that between now and the new year, there is yet so much more room for disappointment?

What a thought.

Right now, I cant picture a future. Or even a thought about it, it is just blank. A new sheet of paper ready to be tainted by a poet writing in blood.

Not really cynical at the moment, just not too mellow. Still so much thought, my mind races on some topics I'd simply rather not think about because I know and acknowledge the fact that they are infact a waste of my time.

And yet I feel compelled to indulge my mind it in.

Or not, the best part about being high, is the moment you occupy your mind with something sitmulating, nothing else will matter.

The year was just depressing really. I consider myself so much older now that I have gone through some parts of if now and can be prepared for it in the future. Girls, such a troublesome thought, it jsut is not worth the sacrifice and thought and pain for the reward.

Hell, better statement.

No person I know right now is really worth that much to me. I would not have any problems walking away. I would not fear it. Some people might follow my life and play a role in it, others will fade away. To that, I know will be true.

Maybe its my demand for perfection around me as I myself need something to mould an image from. It makes me hard on people. But oh well, I know that I do things for a reason, whether I know it or not, it is my choice to be the way I am.

If I think about it, I made every single choice this year. So really the outcome was my fault. And to simply make things better for me, we just start making the right choice from ehre on out.

Just use better judgement. Like playing cards. When you know you have won, play the hand anyway you want. Cause you are unstoppable.

Better judgement tells me to not take action for the rest of the year.

Lets see what the moronic part of me decides to do. For whatever reason, entertainment or perhaps for a legitmate reason.

Lets see what excuse I can come up with. Or maybe I can make the right decisions and not even have to make any excuses.