Finally finished my six straight days of work after that new years day drug binge extravaganza. Been a hard week, having to try my best to keep with my new promises.

So far, its been alright, but not great. My life is never really great in any sort of way. The ski trip is next week, and while I do look forward to it, I am extremely skeptical about a few things. However, I am already contemplating things that will be done in order to provide entertainment for myself.

Though I will say, today a worry was lifted when I recieved a call from someone today. I hope you read this and realize how much you mean to me, even if I am unable to show it or say it.

In the same way, I know that I dont mean that much to anyone I know.

Cause I firmly do believe, if I disappeared, or went away, people wouldnt wonder where I went. They'd forget. I am one of those forgetable, but yet very impressionable people.

Well as this is my first day off, I'll be starting a long computer gaming session for the duration of this day. Just so I can play hardcore again and perhaps forget for a bit the troubles in life that constantly plague me.

Its hard sometimes, watching the things I do. While there are moments of pure genius, for the most part I get this paranoid sense that everyone is skeptical of me. No really skeptical, but more doubtful if anything. Or perhaps I am wrong, and just suffering from delusions.

Not too certain.

I was talking with a coworker the other day, about how everyone basically talked about others behind their back. Even best friends would bad mouth another. I would argue that this is just probably the most fucked up workplace to be consumed in. But still it is a very human trait that I could see in each and every single person.

And I mean, I sensed a new feeling of trust start to form. I asked if people talked about me behind my back. I've always heard things about me and my behaviour regarding work related issues. But nothing about me personally. I seriously wonder if people there know how much talk is done. I am certain I hear but a small percentage of it.

Though with my upfront personality mask at work, I usually just say the bluntest thing possible, and no one really can respond to that. Curious though.

My coworker responded with a no, no one talks about you.

But I really wonder.

It would be something interesting to test someday.

Ah, these are the sick pleasures I enjoy.

But it is time to get started on my day of gaming. Here is to a good day, cause I know for sure, it will be.

Currently Listening to [Cosmic Gate] - Exploration of Space