I havent been writing lately. I dont really know why, nor do I really care these days.

Each day seems to be as meaningless as the next. really I am not a cynic, but I found something and yet while I enjoy it I hate it so much.

These drugs are greet, they give me the sense of feeling I so desire. I hate myself for succumbing to this habit right now, but its hard to let go. Knowing that nothing in my life is really that real. Why should my own personal entertainment and enjoyment be real either?

Artificial it is, but so enjoyable.

I have been going to the gym lots recently, and starting to notice some improvements in strength. Which is great. Just got to eat more though. Its hard to find motivation to cook.

Work sucks. Always has. Always will.

The group at work sometimes drives me up the wall. It always appears to be the same things happening over and over again. To the point where I dont really feel the need to hang out with people unless I have really nothing better to do.

I'd rather lose myself online again and become antisocial for many months longer than let myself get consumed by the soap opera of the workplace.

There are a few up points to life right now. So I can not really complain. There is nothing perfect, or anything to be proud of, but somethings arent bad.

I can always wish for more, its hope that keeps us alive right? I hope that there is better for me and this is all just a part of growing up.

Results are not in yet.

However for now, we are occupied. I dont knwo about writing more, I feel this uncontrollable need to be a ghost right now. A need to disappear and not be noticed.

And yet recent events have caused me to come visible again.