I dont write much anymore. I wonder if it is because I am disgusted at myself during these times.

It just doesnt make much sense.

Was at the casino yesterday, for only the second time this month. I throughly enjoyed playing as the skitchy twitching poker player who was wasted and confusing the hell out of everyone at the table. It was entertaining. I actually played good, stuck with my plan, got a little lucky and made some money too.

Someone at the poker table was annoyed with my antics. And asked if I took pride in the fact of telling people that I was constantly wasted. I told him well, imagine a single moment in your life, remember that feeling. Then imagine living every moment of your life just feeling one thing.

I know how I will be feeling when I want to feel that way.

Distracted. And so I now wish to leave this.